In honour of my son's t8th birthday, I am reposting his birth story

My first child was due on May 1^st, 2008.  My Partner and I had chosen to have a midwife deliver our baby at a hospital.  I wanted a vaginal birth with absolutely no intervention.  My intention was to labour at home for as long as possible and then move to the hospital to deliver my baby and return home within six hours of the birth. 

I had no fear of labour pain and was intent on pushing out my baby and having him immediately placed on my chest, I wanted to begin nursing right away and I wanted to take my family home as soon as possible.

On the morning of April 27^Th, 2008 my water broke waking us up.  Contractions began about ten minutes later.  We called the midwife who was at our house by 9:30 am.  She checked me and was concerned because my blood pressure had spiked, she told us to monitor the contractions and if everything continued as was to meet her at the hospital at 2:30pm.  Within the hour after she left my contractions increased to two minutes apart, and forty-five seconds to one minute in length.

We again called the midwife who arranged to meet us at the hospital at noon.  Once at the hospital I was monitored briefly and because my blood pressure was still fluctuating I was then admitted to a birthing room with my partner and the midwife.  I was having back labour because the baby was in an Occiput Posterior Position.   I laboured through the day with little change.  I used many different labouring positions including a birthing stool, a birthing ball, toilet sitting, walking the halls, showering and slow dancing.  Around 9:00 pm I still had not dilated beyond five centimeters this was due to the OP positioning and the fact that the baby had not fully decended into the pelvis prior the water breaking.  At this time I was given the option of a Pitocin drip to help move things along.  I declined this as I felt fine and wanted to continue to labour without intervention.  Between 10:00 and 11:00 pm we had a midwife change over and in between a Doctor tried once again to put me on the Pitocin, again I declined.  With the arrival of the second Midwife I laboured through the night and well into the next day still with little change.  At some point during the night the midwife performed a Stretch and Sweep to try and increase dilation.  I remained active throughout the night and continued to take in fluids to keep up my energy.  During the night I did spend some time in bed side lying to attempt to turn the baby.  By 1:30 pm on April 28^Th, I had not dilated past five centimeters and my contractions had begun to slow.

At this point the Midwife spoke with me about an Epidural so that I could rest in order to be able to push when the time came, and a Pitocin drip to increase the intensity of the contractions so that I would dilate and transition to pushing.  We had an emotional heart to heart and decided to go ahead with the intervention – at this time we had been warned that because of the posterior positioning of the baby, the lack of decent and the length of my labour, that a Cesarean was a possibility.  I still hoped to deliver my baby naturally and felt that this intervention would give me the best chance to still meet that goal.

After a few hours on the Pitocin with the Epidural I had not dilated further and my contractions had slowed.  I was having back pain and feeling nauseous.  At 6:00 pm the Doctor examined me and declared that I would need a Cesarean.  Again after much crying and reassurance from my Midwife that this had to be, we consented to the surgery and our son was born at 7:15 pm on April 28^Th, 2008 via Cesarean Section.

When he was born, both of us spiked fevers and he had what they called a respiratory hiccup.  He did not pass the APGAR and a Pediatric Respiratory Specialist was called into the delivery room.  During this time the surgery on me was being completed and I could only see my son from a distance as he remained on the warming bed with staff buzzing about.

I was taken into the recovery room and on my pa'srtner insistence the baby was briefly brought to me on his way to the NICU.  He and I were separated until 11:00 am the next day when I was taken to the NICU to nurse him for the first time.  We remained in the hospital until May 1^st when on my insistence and my Midwife’s assurance, I was discharged one day ahead of schedule.

In honour of my daughter'6th birthday I am re-posting her birth story

I found out I was pregnant with my second child one month after we purchased our first home.  My due date was exactly two years after my first child's due date, so we had actually accomplished having children two years apart.

This pregnancy was more stressful than the first.  We were moving, I was having a stressful year at work and we had a toddler, there was non of the cozy evening with just my partner and I dreaming about the baby, like we had during our first pregnancy.  The other stress factor making the decision to have a Trial of Labour leading to a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) or to schedule a Repeat Cesarean Section.

We had again chosen the care of Midwives and were fortunate enough to have the same midwives that we had had during our first birth.  To tell you the truth both birth options terrified me, both were unknown to me in some way.  If I had a successful VBAC, I had not experienced transition labour or second stage labour (pushing).  I had experienced a very long labour and that didn't scare me in fact, I looked forward to the surprise of going into labour, what I didn't want was a repeat of the results of that very long labour, having my child sent to NICU and not being able to hold the child right at birth.  What scared my about a scheduled repeat Cesarean Section was going into surgery without the exhaustion and stress - I know this sounds bizarre but I am incredibly afraid of needles and was terrified of the surgical prep.

So, my partner and I questioned the midwives and started our own research and took a long time to decide.  Eventually we decided to go for the Trial of Labour, our research told us that it was better for the baby to go into labour even for a short time and, with the shorter recovery time on a vaginal birth it would be easier dealing with a toddler.

We set limits, I did not want to be in labour for 36 hours again.  I wanted to do everything possible to hold my child right away and to begin nursing as soon as possible.  My ultimate goal was immediate contact with my child.  My other goals included being able to move around as much as possible and staying home as long as possible before going to the hospital.

Now in Toronto, VBAC must be attempted in a hospital, you are supposed to be monitored all the time and have an IV in as soon as you go to the hospital.  I refused continuous  monitoring and the IV because I wanted as much freedom as possible to move during labour.  Movement had really helped during my first labour. 

I was still scared of the unknown but was glad I had made the decision to have a natural labour.

My due date was May 1st 2010 and labour began when my water broke at 1:15 am on April 12th.  Much like my first birth, my contractions started within minutes and were 5-6 minutes apart right off the bat and lasting about 45 seconds.  We were not really prepared for the baby to arrive three weeks ahead of schedule so the next few hours at our house were very comical.  My partner was running around packing a bag, tidying up our messy, in progress house and throwing the uninstalled car seat into the trunk, box and all!  I spent the time labouring, talking to my midwife on the phone and making a list of meal times and options for my son so that my brother-in-law was not at a total loss.

My midwife showed up with a student in tow at about 3:00am and my contractions were about 2 minutes apart and 45 -60 seconds in length, gaining intensity with everyone.  My brother-in-law showed up shortly after and we were on our way to the hospital just after 4:00am.

My contractions increased in intensity quickly on the way to the hospital.  When we arrived at the birthing room I was feeling the urge to push.  However, when the midwife checked my dilation, I was only 4cm.  This was an issue as the babies head was pushing against my cervix and starting to swell.  The intensity of my contractions was much higher then I had experienced with my son and it was taking everything in my power to not push at this point.  The midwife called in a consult with the OB on call and by the time she arrived, I had dilated to 6cm but my contractions were still too intense for the amount of dilation.   So, in consultation with the doctor we decided to try and Epidural to decrease the intensity of the contractions so that I could dilate without injury to the baby.

I was put on the Epidural at around 7am and was given a second dose about an hour later because I was not getting much pain relief.  Once the Epidural was in I dilated quickly to 9 cm and then my contractions slowed considerably and in 5 hours didn't dilate any further.  So, at about 1:00 pm on April 12th, the decision was made that I would have a Cesarean Section and at 2:06 pm my daughter was born!   this time after 13 hours of labour and surgery, I was able to have my daughter brought to me right away and began nursing her in the recovery room (later I did struggle with breast feeding, this story will follow).

Baking Good Snacks

Like most parents, I want my children to eat well and to have only the best.  If I could afford it, I would buy only organic sadly, it is not in my budget to be truely organic.  However, I can controll perservatives, sugars and additives by making our food myself.  My partner and I have always eaten pretty well but a year or so before our son was born we started really makning an effort to not eat processed food and to cut down on refined foods and salt.  I have to say that I lost weight without trying and generally felt better.  Now that we have children we are trying to be even more dilligent about healthy eating.  Luckily both my children will eat pretty much anything with no wierd picky habits, like only eating white food (I read this once in a parentling magazine)?
Now, I love sweets.  I love chocolate, I really like cookies and I crave sugar.  I can't very well deny my children sweets when I want them all the time so, I have started researching alternatives to processed sugars.
I have tried a number of things:
Agave Necture - this works well but is expensive

Molassis - agian, works but is very heavy and has a distinctive flavor

Honey - I actually find this too sweet and you are not supposed to give children under a year honey

Dates - this is one of my favorites, if you majic bullet the dates with a little water you can relace the sugar in a recipe with them.  This works best in savory cookies and muffins.  It is also O.K. in brownies.

Concentrated Pinapple Juice - this is my favorite.  I have used this in cookies, muffins and brownies.  I use the same amount as sugar in the recipe and it is sweet enough.  I also have been substituting apple sauce for butter or oil and this also lends sweetness.


In my attempt to not have refiend foods I witched to whole wheat flour however, I find this can be a bit heavy in cakes but is O.K. in in cookies, muffins and pancakes.  The recent alternative that I have used to much success is Oatmeal.  I grind it into a powder in my Magic Bullet and substitute in the same amount for flour.  This is great in oatmeal muffins, pancakes and also works in cookies and brownies.

Here a recipe that my son and I made today ( he likes to stir).

Chocolate Mini Muffins:

Mix together
3 tbl unsweetened applesauce
1/4 cup pinapple juice concentrate
1 egg (or just the yolk if you have children under one year of age)
3 tsp of baking powder
1/2 tsp cinnimon
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cup of powdered oatmeal
1/3 cup of cocoa
1/2 cup of white chocolate chips (optional)

spoon into mini muffin tins and bake at 400 for 15 minutes.  This will make 24 mini muffins or 12 regular size muffins.

Well, here is a bit of my background.  I trained as a dancer, my first love was tap and I studied tap, jazz, ballet, acro and modern dance.  I attended a dance program at university focusing on Modern Dance and found myself drawn to Dance Studies and Dance Production.  I am certified in Labanotation (dance/movement notation) as well as Laban Movement Analysis and Barteniff Fundamentals.  I have worked as a dance instructor, a stage manager, an administrator and most recently the director of a post secondary dance program.
I live with my partner of 14 years and he ad I now have two children.  our first was born in the spring of 2008 and our second, the spring of 2010.   Before I was pregnant with my first, my book club read Ami McKay's The Birth House.  After reading this book I became very interested in midwifery, I did some research and came across information on Doulas as well.  Then, as happens, my life took other turns and other things took precedence and the whole midwife/doula thing fell off the map.
A year or two later my partner and I decided to try and get pregnant.  When I spoke to my doctor about it, her advice to me was that as soon as I found out I was pregnant to get a midwife.  She explained to me that a midwife was the way to go because they are birth professionals.  They receive the same amount of training as registered nurses but focus only on birth, babies and pregnant and post-partum women.  What sold my partner on the midwife idea was 45 minute appointments and the concept of informed choice as opposed to the medical model of informed consent.
Midwifery turned out to be the perfect choice for us and our birth experience.  Both my partner and I are researchers and students at heart and we felt comfortable being provided with choices and being able to research our options and ask informed questions but ultimately  make our own choices regarding our birth experience.  We did chose a hospital birth and after a long labour due to posterior  positioning, three shifts of midwifes, and a lot of crying, I ended up with a Cesarean birth.  The midwife support and care was invaluable during the recovery period and during the struggle to nurse that ensued. 
My birth experience got me thinking again about midwifery and doulas and I began to do some research again.  I found an online program through Childbirth International and signed up shortly after my baby's first birthday.   Starting the Doula training opened me up to the opportunity to also study childbirth education and this all fell into place when I became pregnant again.
Now I was studying to become a birth doula and having to make the decision to have a trial of labour or Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC).  Again my midwifes were informative and supportive without influencing me one way or the other.  I attempted a VBAC and was unsuccessful resulting in another Cesarean and a beautiful second child with a whole new set of challenges and adventures .
So, here I am, Doula, Childbirth Educator, Dancer, Teacher, Notator and now, small business owner.

Baby Stuff (Gear) - Carriers

I am a Baby Wearer.  to tell you the truth, I started baby wearing out of convenience but have grown to love it and believe in it ( to get information on Baby Wearing and a large selection of carriers, check out www.pookababy.com).
For my baby shower I registered for and received a Baby Bjorn.  I had friends who had one and swore by it and I liked the idea of having a way to carry my baby around the house and on walks where a stroller would not go.  When I we were first home with our son, we had not yet received our stroller from my mother-in-law and because of my Cesarean Section I was not moving too fast or too far so, my partner took our son out for walks to calm him in the Baby Bjorn.  He enjoyed walking with the baby breathing against his chest and too this day will only wear the Baby Bjorn because he finds all the other carriers "girly".  I first used the Baby Bjorn coming home from the Midwife's office on the subway.  Even after the arrival of the stroller the Baby Bjorn became my main mode of transportation on transit.  And, as you will know from my post on strollers, my son did not like being pushed around in the bassinet stroller.  the Baby Bjorn did me well until my son was about 3 months old and roughly 15 lbs.  A this point he started to get really heavy and weigh on my shoulders and low back.  I started to do some research on carriers and decided that I would try the Moby Wrap.

• a side note, during the first couple of months I did purchase a sling, a Hot Sling to be exact.  And although I liked the idea of this product I rarely used it as  my son quickly got too big to be comfortable in the infant carry position.  I did use it when he was older and I had the stroller out and about on the subway to put him in for going up and down stairs.  My daughter also quickly outgrew the infant position.

So I went to local Mom store to purchase the Moby Wrap and  to check out some alternatives.  The Moby Wrap appealed to me at this point because it came with UV protection and it was the middle of the summer.  One at the store I was swayed by the sales person to try a Mai Tai Carrier by Eagle Hawk.  this is what I ended up purchasing and for my son, it was a perfect solution.  he Mai Tai allowed my to carry him on my front with support on my hips and shoulders with crossing straps.  it was adjustable to my size and could be worn by partner (who never wore it because of the girly factor).  The Mai Tai also worked as a back carrier, with my son I did not use this option until he was a year old because I couldn't figure out how to get him on my back with out assistance.  he did get very heavy for my to carry on my front when he was about 9 months old and at this point I started physio for an aggravated hip injury and was advised by my Phyisotherapist to not carry my son and to use a stroller (hence the umbrella stroller).  However, I really enjoyed carrying my son and the convenience on the subway was really a big thing for me.  So, when my son was about a year old, I looked up on YouTube how to get him into the back carry position by myself and started carrying him on my back.  This worked out very well and I carried him like this until I was over 10 weeks pregnant with my daughter, at this point the carrier just wasn't comfortable anymore and I was getting flack from family members:)  I really did like the Mai Tai Carrier, it was comfortable and pretty and adjustable.  It was a little cumbersome to get on because of the long straps and people always trying to help really just got in the way.  Getting my son onto my back involved grabbing him by the arms and hauling him up there which was O.K. when he was over a year old but I couldn't manage it before he could walk.
Then came my daughter, again I started off with the Baby Bjorn and again she quickly outgrew it.  So, out came the Mai Tai.  The problem was, now I had to get my daughter into the Mai Tai while dealing with my two year old son and getting her in and out to nurse was cumbersome ( I never learned to wear the Mai Tai in a way that I could keep it on while I took the child out, it was never comfortable when I put them back in).  So, I started researching carriers on line again and came back to the Moby Wrap.  This is basically a very long piece of stretchy material that wraps around you to hold the baby close, it can carry an infant and up to 40 lbs, you can nurse in it and you can keep it on while you take the child in and out.  I ordered a Moby Wrap and when it came, I was so glad I mad the purchase.  this was a comfortable way to carry my daughter while I ran after my son and I didn't have to keep taking it on and off.  It allowed me to be discrete when nursing in public, the only real down side was that during the summer it was very hot to be wrapped in 6 feet of material.
Now, I did end up purchasing one more carrier.  When my daughter was about 6 months old and pushing 20 lbs I was finding it difficult to wear her on the front and still manage my son, I was always reaching around her, she is also quite long and I am not so her head was sort of getting in my way.  I started looking at carriers that could go on my back.  I didn't want to go back to he Mai Tai because of the difficulty getting the child on my back at such a young age.  I looked at the Ergo because I had friends who had these and loved them but again getting the child on your back required swinging them up there.  So I looked into the Baby Trekker and ended up finding one on Craig's List for $25.00!  Now the Baby Trekker is serving me well.  It is comfortable, it is fairly easy to get her on and off by myself, I can wear her on the front facing in or out and and I can wear her on the back facing in and out, she is comfortable and I can keep my hands free to deal with my son.  I use the Baby Trekker on the subway, around the neighbourhood and around the house.
All in all I now own five baby carriers and all have their good points but my two favorite are the Moby Wrap and the Baby Trekker.

Baby Stuff (Gear) -Strollers

O.K. so, the overwhelming world of baby stuff.  What do we need, what is the best deal or most user friendly?  When you walk into Babies R Us to start the registry it is totally crazy, all the options, will I really need all this stuff?
Well, everyone's needs are different and you really don't know until that baby comes what your specific needs are going to be.  Will you need bottles?  What Breast pump will work best for you?  Will your child like swings, swaddling or noisy toys?  Who knows?
I am going to write about my experience and Gear that has worked for me.  I have two children, I live in the city and use public transit or walk.  I am 5 feet tall, approx 115lbs and I have fairly large children, these things are all factors.
First I will talk strollers.  For me this was my baby necessity, the image of walking down the street pushing my baby in a stroller was very romantic to me (little did I know that I would actually become more of a baby wearer when my children were infants).  the first time my partner and I happened upon the baby section of a department store I was about 4 or 5 months pregnant and we were Christmas shopping but the escalator dumped us off in front of a row of strollers so we decided to look and were faced with Travel Systems, Convenience Strollers, Umbrella Strollers and Jogging Strollers.  I knew that I didn't want a Travel System, I take the subway or walk and would not need to attach my infant car seat to my stroller.  I wanted something easy to handle and maneuver.  Now, as I said before, I am only 5 feet tall, my partner however, is 6 foot 3 inches so finding something that worked for both of us was also a bit of a challenge.  We were both attracted to the Quinny Buzz (we had actually seen this stroller in the park soon after finding out we were pregnant and been impressed by it), this stroller allows the child to face either the parent or face out, it fully reclines, half reclines and sits upright, there is a single bar handle and three wheels which makes it easily maneuverable and the handle adjust to varying heights.  It also had the option of a bassinet attachment which appealed to me to make a carriage when the baby was young.
We went home inspired by this trip to do some research into what was out there and choose a stroller that met all our needs.   After a lot of research, and quite a few shopping trips to various baby stores, we did decide to go with the Quinny Buzz.   My parents, who are famous bargain hunters, found the Buzz on sale half off during a department store seasonal clearance sale making it a really good buy.  The store was clearing the old colours and patterns and we got the floor model bassinet for 75% off to boot!
Now, I do really like the stroller and still use it for my daughter but if I went back in time I would spend a lot less money on a smaller convenience stroller for my life style.  We didn't even use the stroller until my son was almost two months old, I was still recovering from my Cesarean Section so most often, my partner carried him in our Baby Bjorn (Carriers will be the next blog).  When we did start using the stroller with the bassinet, my son didn't really like it.  We tried for the romantic evening walks in the park and would end up carrying a crying baby home.  I think he didn't like that he couldn't see around him.  With my daughter, I didn't even put the bassinet on the stroller, it sat in our living room as a bassinet on a Moses Basket stand and she napped in it.  When my son was about 5 months old and we switched to the upright seat, he loved the stroller and walks in the park or out to the village to shop became enjoyable.
My other issue was the subway, the buzz is very wide and even though it could work on the subway, it was not great on busses, impossible on the streetcar and too wide for single escalators of which there was one at the subway station near my work.  So, I bought a carrier and wore my son whenever we travelled on the subway until on old hip injury started to act up.
My physiotherapist told me to stop wearing the baby because it was aggravating my hip so my partner and I picked up a small $17.00 umbrella stroller (this is usable if your child can sit unsupported).  the umbrella stroller was great for me, it was small and light I could carry it up and down the stairs at subway stations that didn't have escalators or elevators however, the handles were too short for my partner to push it without bending over and it did not recline so when my son fell asleep in it he was often kind of hunched over.
This led me to research all types of umbrella and convenience strollers and request that my parents give my son a Cosatto Hula umbrella stroller for his first birthday.  This stroller was truly great, sturdy, light weight, reclining and the handles were tall enough for my partner to hold comfortable.  This stroller travelled to day care, to shopping, on vacation and when my daughter was born I could wear her in the carrier and push my son in the Cosatto.  Until he was about 2 and a half and he broke the foot rest climbing in and out.  At this time my daughter was about 6 months old and getting large for the carrier that I was using so I started shopping for a new carrier and a new stroller.
 I didn't want a double stroller because my son at 2 and a half was at the point where he didn't always want to ride in a stroller, a friend recommended to me that I try a sit and stand so I looked into them and decided on the Joovy Caboose Ultralight.  This allows my daughter to ride in a stroller seat in the front and my son to either sit on a small bench or stand on a platform on the back and if I need to reign him in, I can buckle him to the bench.  I really like this stroller for walking around the neighbourhood, going to reading groups and play groups and the grocery store.  It travels well on the bus and fits in the trunk of the car if we need it to but it does not do the subway as it is too long for me to get down the stairs if there is no escalator or elevator.  Therefore, when I need to travel by subway or GO Train, my son walks and my daughter rides in a carrier that can go on the back.
So this is my stroller saga, I now have 2 children and 4 strollers, each stroller serves a different purpose and is useful in its own right however, looking back, I could most likely have made due with two if I had made smarter choices.  You don't know until you try or speak to other people and gain some sage advice, or read a blog.  Ultimately though you really need to look at your own personal needs and do some research.

Nursing (breast feeding) - My Story

I will start by saying that I am totally pro-nursing, I know that Breast Feeding your child is the best way to feed your child, a mother's milk is the perfect food.  Having said that, I thought I would enjoy it much more than I do.  I thought it would be easy, I thought it would just work because as women we are designed to make milk and breast feed our children.
What I have learned, it might be what nature intended but it is not easy.  Nursing your child takes guidance, support, patience and determination.  There are many factors (especially in western society) that make nursing a challenge for many women.  Here are my stories:

As you will know from my birth story, my son was born via Cesarean Section after a long labour.  He was Ociput Posterior, or "sunny side up" and he had not dropped into the pelvis.  My water also broke before contractions started taking away any buffer for him to turn or descend.  When he was born, he had a respiratory hiccup causing him to go to the NICU for 24 hours after birth.  Because of the surgery, I was unable to leave my bed for the first 12 hours or so therefore, it was not until 16 hrs after his birth that I first attempted to nurse my son.  This was a challenge as I was still recovering from surgery, it was also the first time I had held him and I just wanted to look at him but I had nurses trying to get him on my breast and he didn't want anything to do with it at the time.  I turns out, he was a lazy nurser.  He suckled slowly and fell asleep while eating.  For the first two weeks we had to wake him up every two - three hours to nurse and my partner and I had to keep him awake long enough to eat.  It was a two man job.  when he did finally start to nurse on his own with out prodding, he nursed constantly.  By this I mean about every hour and to top it all off, I had thrush (a yeast infection) in my left nipple.  So, nursing was exhausting and painful in those early days.  After seeking help from my midwives, I was sent to the breast feeding guru, Dr. Jack Newman, when my son was seven weeks old.  I was diagnosed with low supply, this was why he nursed so frequently.  I tried herbal lactation aids and eventually started taking Domperidone, a drug that increases lactation and remained on this drug until my son was nine months old.  Dr. Newman also recognized Torticolis in my son.  This is a condition that affects the neck in infants, it is muscular and often caused my birth trauma.  In our case, it was due to the 36 hours that my son was in labour without being in the proper position for birth.  The Torticolis added to my nursing issues because it made it uncomfortable for him to nurse on the left side due to the positioning of his neck.  It also made some nursing positions difficult, I could not nurse him laying down.
We treated the Torticolis through physiotherapy (a heart wrenching twice daily exercise regime which again required both my partner and I).  By six months of age the Torticolis was non existent.   However, during this time the frequency of his nursing was not decreasing, the medication was helping but not immensely.  I was spending my life on the couch and I was stressed and frustrated and worried because I was returning to work part-time when he was just over four months.  When he was four months old my partner and I made the decision to supplement with infant formula.  through supplementation I was able to nurse my son until he was ten months old at which time he sort of self weaned to the bottle and by the time he was a year old he was off of formula and out of a bottle in favor of a sippy cup full of cows milk.

While I was pregnant with my daughter (see birth story #2), I was aware that another Cesarean Section was a possibility and I feared that I would have similar issues if I was again separated from my child for the first day of their life.  So, my main goal with the birth of my daughter became having my child in my arms as soon as possible after the birth.  I also had a fear that was a bit opposite.  I feared that if nursing did go very well and happen without effort and without supplementation that I would feel that I would have cheated my son by supplementing him.
I did have a Cesarean Section however, I did get to hold my daughter right away and I was nursing her in the recovery room within an hour after her birth.  For the first 24 hours everything was great.  Then, day two happened and she suddenly refused to nurse.  That second night in the hospital was hell, I had a screaming child who would not latch, one of the nurses who was trying to assist me gave up saying that I would have to calm her down before she would nurse, but she was upset because she couldn't latch.  Because she was not eating, her weight began to drop and I was sent to consultations with lactation consultants.  The diagnosis for her unwillingness to latch was a combination of over engorgement ( I had been given seven liters of saline during the birth), and a small pallet resulting in a "funky suck".  So, I was sent home with the condition that I would see the lactation consultant every other day and that her weight would go up (she had lost 12% of her birth weight) or I would have to readmit her.  I was determined that I would not give her formula and that I would get her nursing and get her weight back up.  So, I borrowed a hospital grade breast pump from a friend and we started finger feeding her and working to get her on the breast.  Every three hours I would try to put her on my breast and then my partner would finger feed her with a tube while I pumped for the next feeding.  Luckily, supply didn't seem to be a factor this time however as this process went into the second and third week of life and she still refused the breast and her finger feedings started to take longer and longer (up to 40 minutes) and we still had a two year old to care for, it began to get discouraging.  I was beginning to think of myself as a breast feeding failure.  We did move to a bottle, still with pumped milk, when my partner went back to work and now, feedings were still taking upwards of 40 minutes.  First, I would try her at my breast, then I would bottle feed her, then I would pump for the next feeding.  Her weight was now going up but my patience was dwindling, I did not want to pump every feeding especially with a two year old around pulling out tubes and trying to help with the bottle.  I had great support from the Lactation Consultant at the hospital and she helped me to persevere until miraculously at 4.5 weeks of age, she took the breast!!!  By the time she was six weeks old she was fully nursing from the breast!  I was so happy and life did get easier  I no longer had to travel with a pump and extra bottles and I felt like I could get out of the house and enjoy my children. 
I did still suffer nipple pain again on my left breast and after some consultation it was discovered that I have scare tissue from my son on my left nipple, because of this the left breast has a lower supply and is less appealing to my children and, I am a lopsided nurser.

I am glad that I did what I did with both children.  Nursing them is important to me.  I will say that the issues I have had have been discouraging and the worst part, the reason why I supplemented my son, is that while these issues were at their peaks, I was not enjoying time with my children.  As I said at the opening of this post, I am completely pro-nursing, I do it because I believe in it and I want to give my children the benefits that it supplies however, I don't enjoy nursing.  My daughter is now almost eight months old and I am looking forward to approaching a year so that I can wean her.  I will not be a mother who nurses into toddler-hood or beyond, I say kudos to women who do but it is not for me.  I am sorry that I feel this way because I really did want to enjoy nursing, that special bond and time with my children.

I do want to thank the midwives and lactation consultants that I worked with because they made all the difference and I truly couldn't have done it without support.  I also have to say that if my partner had not been as supportive and literally helpful as he was, I would have given up early on and probably not nursed my children even though I wanted to.

In the end, I love my children and I will always do whatever I can to give them the best of life and will always strive to enjoy all the life has to offer with them.