I will start by saying that I am totally pro-nursing, I know that Breast Feeding your child is the best way to feed your child, a mother's milk is the perfect food. Having said that, I thought I would enjoy it much more than I do. I thought it would be easy, I thought it would just work because as women we are designed to make milk and breast feed our children.
What I have learned, it might be what nature intended but it is not easy. Nursing your child takes guidance, support, patience and determination. There are many factors (especially in western society) that make nursing a challenge for many women. Here are my stories:
As you will know from my birth story, my son was born via Cesarean Section after a long labour. He was Ociput Posterior, or "sunny side up" and he had not dropped into the pelvis. My water also broke before contractions started taking away any buffer for him to turn or descend. When he was born, he had a respiratory hiccup causing him to go to the NICU for 24 hours after birth. Because of the surgery, I was unable to leave my bed for the first 12 hours or so therefore, it was not until 16 hrs after his birth that I first attempted to nurse my son. This was a challenge as I was still recovering from surgery, it was also the first time I had held him and I just wanted to look at him but I had nurses trying to get him on my breast and he didn't want anything to do with it at the time. I turns out, he was a lazy nurser. He suckled slowly and fell asleep while eating. For the first two weeks we had to wake him up every two - three hours to nurse and my partner and I had to keep him awake long enough to eat. It was a two man job. when he did finally start to nurse on his own with out prodding, he nursed constantly. By this I mean about every hour and to top it all off, I had thrush (a yeast infection) in my left nipple. So, nursing was exhausting and painful in those early days. After seeking help from my midwives, I was sent to the breast feeding guru, Dr. Jack Newman, when my son was seven weeks old. I was diagnosed with low supply, this was why he nursed so frequently. I tried herbal lactation aids and eventually started taking Domperidone, a drug that increases lactation and remained on this drug until my son was nine months old. Dr. Newman also recognized Torticolis in my son. This is a condition that affects the neck in infants, it is muscular and often caused my birth trauma. In our case, it was due to the 36 hours that my son was in labour without being in the proper position for birth. The Torticolis added to my nursing issues because it made it uncomfortable for him to nurse on the left side due to the positioning of his neck. It also made some nursing positions difficult, I could not nurse him laying down.
We treated the Torticolis through physiotherapy (a heart wrenching twice daily exercise regime which again required both my partner and I). By six months of age the Torticolis was non existent. However, during this time the frequency of his nursing was not decreasing, the medication was helping but not immensely. I was spending my life on the couch and I was stressed and frustrated and worried because I was returning to work part-time when he was just over four months. When he was four months old my partner and I made the decision to supplement with infant formula. through supplementation I was able to nurse my son until he was ten months old at which time he sort of self weaned to the bottle and by the time he was a year old he was off of formula and out of a bottle in favor of a sippy cup full of cows milk.
While I was pregnant with my daughter (see birth story #2), I was aware that another Cesarean Section was a possibility and I feared that I would have similar issues if I was again separated from my child for the first day of their life. So, my main goal with the birth of my daughter became having my child in my arms as soon as possible after the birth. I also had a fear that was a bit opposite. I feared that if nursing did go very well and happen without effort and without supplementation that I would feel that I would have cheated my son by supplementing him.
I did have a Cesarean Section however, I did get to hold my daughter right away and I was nursing her in the recovery room within an hour after her birth. For the first 24 hours everything was great. Then, day two happened and she suddenly refused to nurse. That second night in the hospital was hell, I had a screaming child who would not latch, one of the nurses who was trying to assist me gave up saying that I would have to calm her down before she would nurse, but she was upset because she couldn't latch. Because she was not eating, her weight began to drop and I was sent to consultations with lactation consultants. The diagnosis for her unwillingness to latch was a combination of over engorgement ( I had been given seven liters of saline during the birth), and a small pallet resulting in a "funky suck". So, I was sent home with the condition that I would see the lactation consultant every other day and that her weight would go up (she had lost 12% of her birth weight) or I would have to readmit her. I was determined that I would not give her formula and that I would get her nursing and get her weight back up. So, I borrowed a hospital grade breast pump from a friend and we started finger feeding her and working to get her on the breast. Every three hours I would try to put her on my breast and then my partner would finger feed her with a tube while I pumped for the next feeding. Luckily, supply didn't seem to be a factor this time however as this process went into the second and third week of life and she still refused the breast and her finger feedings started to take longer and longer (up to 40 minutes) and we still had a two year old to care for, it began to get discouraging. I was beginning to think of myself as a breast feeding failure. We did move to a bottle, still with pumped milk, when my partner went back to work and now, feedings were still taking upwards of 40 minutes. First, I would try her at my breast, then I would bottle feed her, then I would pump for the next feeding. Her weight was now going up but my patience was dwindling, I did not want to pump every feeding especially with a two year old around pulling out tubes and trying to help with the bottle. I had great support from the Lactation Consultant at the hospital and she helped me to persevere until miraculously at 4.5 weeks of age, she took the breast!!! By the time she was six weeks old she was fully nursing from the breast! I was so happy and life did get easier I no longer had to travel with a pump and extra bottles and I felt like I could get out of the house and enjoy my children.
I did still suffer nipple pain again on my left breast and after some consultation it was discovered that I have scare tissue from my son on my left nipple, because of this the left breast has a lower supply and is less appealing to my children and, I am a lopsided nurser.
I am glad that I did what I did with both children. Nursing them is important to me. I will say that the issues I have had have been discouraging and the worst part, the reason why I supplemented my son, is that while these issues were at their peaks, I was not enjoying time with my children. As I said at the opening of this post, I am completely pro-nursing, I do it because I believe in it and I want to give my children the benefits that it supplies however, I don't enjoy nursing. My daughter is now almost eight months old and I am looking forward to approaching a year so that I can wean her. I will not be a mother who nurses into toddler-hood or beyond, I say kudos to women who do but it is not for me. I am sorry that I feel this way because I really did want to enjoy nursing, that special bond and time with my children.
I do want to thank the midwives and lactation consultants that I worked with because they made all the difference and I truly couldn't have done it without support. I also have to say that if my partner had not been as supportive and literally helpful as he was, I would have given up early on and probably not nursed my children even though I wanted to.
In the end, I love my children and I will always do whatever I can to give them the best of life and will always strive to enjoy all the life has to offer with them.
