Home With Two

O.K.  so, when I had my son, I stayed home for four months and then returned to work part-time for eight months and full time when he was a year old.   My job was running a college dance department for a ballet company and being an arts organization, I did not have benefits and therefore, no maternity leave.  so I struggled with balancing time with my son and a stressful demanding job (it was a difficult and stressful time).
One of the biggest struggles was childcare.  For the first few months that I was back at work part-time my partner had a two-three day a week television show that he was working on and this worked for us.  My employer was flexible enough that we made it work between the two of us with occasional grandparents stepping in, and the occasional bring the baby to work day (which works as long as he is not mobile).  When that show ended and my partner got a more frequent gig, we had call in the troops, ie. Grandparents and work it out that way.
As luck would have it (and I believe it truly was luck) we had all the stars align for us when I was going back to work full-time.  A spot in the daycare at my workplace came up (I had been on the list since I was four months pregnant),  and a city sponsored subsidy for childcare came through.  So, I went back to work full-time with my son safely residing two floors above me.
That summer we became pregnant again!  So, when my contract negotiations came up before the school year started I knew that I would have to end my contract come April and stay home with my kids.  This was difficult decision for me as I have always loved my job and I am so not a home body.  However, I was having a stressful time balancing work and time with my son and financially even with the subsidy, paying for two children in childcare was going to eat up the majority of my salary.
So, as of April 2010 I was a stay at home mom of two.  So far, it has been fun, rewarding, challenging and at times frustrating.  I love being with my kids and watching the discoveries they make and the relationship between them grow.  However, I do find it challenging to keep my toddler engaged and at the same time care for an infant.  I also have to account for the fact that I just am not a home body and I need to get out and interact with people to keep my sanity.  Today, due to the weather it was an inside day and I am very hopeful that tomorrow the weather is better.
The other issue is classes.   When I had my son two and a half years ago, I had a mom's group that we self organized, I took Wee Hands lessons and I took baby and me Aquafit.  Also, with one baby, I could go fairly easily to the mall and meet friends for lunch or coffee without too much rigmarole.  Now, with two, all that has changed.  Lunch at a restaurant or even coffee has to be impeccably timed and restaurants have to be family friendly.  The mall is doable but again timing is everything to have happy, patient children. 
As for classes, well, I registered my son in a parent and baby swim class this summer when my daughter was only three months old.  We did it every morning for two weeks but had to enlist the help of grandparents and best friends to accomplish it because someone had to hold the baby outside the pool while I was inside swimming with my son.  Now that my daughter is over six months old I have them both in swimming but I need to enlist the help of Grandpa on a weekly basis.  I can not easily do any individual classes with either of my children and there are few activities that accommodate a toddler and an infant.  I have found the cities drop in programs great, free play for children newborn to six years old with circle sings.  I have also found a program through the local library called Family Time that is a story time for children birth to five years old.
The other thing I am noticing with two is that it can get lonely because as busy as you are managing two children getting out of the house is still a chore most days and going to visit friends unless they have children of the same age is not easy.  I find my days full of stories, parks, meals, playing with blocks and attempting to get two children to nap somewhere near the same time.
Joining a mothers group is difficult because most mother's groups are for first time moms of children under a year and having to entertain and police a toddler during a mother's group discussion will automatically exclude you from the discussion.  I would love to have a mothers group to discuss the infant issues that I have with my daughter as they are different then those I had with my son.
So, here is my solution.  I want to start a mother's group for moms of two (or more) children who are not yet of school age.  Mothers could meet with their infants and an ECE  would be available to run activities with the older children within the same space.  I would like to know if mothers would register and pay a fee for a mother's group like this?

Birth Experience #2

I found out I was pregnant with my second child one month after we purchased our first home.  My due date was exactly two years after my first child's due date, so we had actually accomplished having children two years apart.
This pregnancy was more stressful than the first.  We were moving, I was having a stressful year at work and we had a toddler, there was non of the cozy evening with just m partner and I dreaming about the baby, like we had during our first pregnancy.  The other stress factor making the decision to have a Trial of Labour leading to a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) or to schedule a Repeat Cesarean Section.
We had again chosen the care of Midwives and were fortunate enough to have the same midwives that we had had during our first birth.  To tell you the truth both birth options terrified me, both were unknown to me in some way.  If I had a successful VBAC, I had not experienced transition labour or second stage labour (pushing).  I had experienced a very long labour and that didn't scare me in fact, I looked forward to the surprise of going into labour, what I didn't want was a repeat of the results of that very long labour, having my child sent to NICU and not being able to hold the child right at birth.  What scared my about a scheduled repeat Cesarean Section was going into surgery without the exhaustion and stress - I know this sounds bizarre but I am incredibly afraid of needles and was terrified of the surgical prep.
So, my partner and I questioned the midwives and started our own research and took a long time to decide.  Eventually we decided to go for the Trial of Labour, our research told us that it was better for the baby to go into labour even for a short time and, with the shorter recovery time on a vaginal birth it would be easier dealing with a toddler.
We set limits, I did not want to be in labour for 36 hours again.  I wanted to do everything possible to hold my child right away and to begin nursing as soon as possible.  My ultimate goal was immediate contact with my child.  My other goals included being able to move around as much as possible and staying home as long as possible before going to the hospital.
Now in Toronto, VBAC must be attempted in a hospital, you are supposed to be monitored all the time and have an IV in as soon as you go to the hospital.  I refused continuous  monitoring and the IV because I wanted as much freedom as possible to move during labour.  Movement had really helped during my first labour. 
I was still scared of the unknown but was glad I had made the decision to have a natural labour.
My due date was May 1st 2010 and labour began when my water broke at 1:15 am on April 12th.  Much like my first birth, my contractions started within minutes and were 5-6 minutes apart right off the bat and lasting about 45 seconds.  We were not really prepared for the baby to arrive three weeks ahead of schedule so the next few hours at our house were very comical.  My partner was running around packing a bag, tidying up our messy, in progress house and throwing the uninstalled car seat into the trunk, box and all!  I spent the time labouring, talking to my midwife on the phone and making a list of meal times and options for my son so that my brother-in-law was not at a total loss.
My midwife showed up with a student in tow at about 3:00am and my contractions were about 2 minutes apart and 45 -60 seconds in length, gaining intensity with everyone.  My brother-in-law showed up shortly after and we were on our way to the hospital just after 4:00am.
My contractions increased in intensity quickly on the way to the hospital.  When we arrived at the birthing room I was feeling the urge to push.  However, when the midwife checked my dilation, I was only 4cm.  This was an issue as the babies head was pushing against my cervix and starting to swell.  The intensity of my contractions was much higher then I had experienced with my son and it was taking everything in my power to not push at this point.  The midwife called in a consult with the OB on call and by the time she arrived, I had dilated to 6cm but me contractions were still too intense for the amount of dilation.   So, in consultation with the doctor we decided to try and Epidural to decrease the intensity of the contractions so that I could dilate without injury to the baby.
I was put on the Epidural at around 7am and was given a second dose about an hour later because I was not getting much pain relief.  Once the Epidural was in I dilated quickly to 9 cm and then my contractions slowed considerably and in 5 hours didn't dilate any further.  So, at about 1:00 pm on April 12th, the decision was made that I would have a Cesarean Section and at 2:06 pm my daughter was born!   this time after 13 hours of labour and surgery, I was able to have my daughter brought to me right away and began nursing her in the recovery room (later I did struggle with breast feeding, this story will follow).

My First Birth Experience

My first child was due on May 1^st, 2008.  My Partner and I had chosen to have a midwife deliver our baby at a hospital.  I wanted a vaginal birth with absolutely no intervention.  My intention was to labour at home for as long as possible and then move to the hospital to deliver my baby and return home within six hours of the birth. 

I had no fear of labour pain and was intent on pushing out my baby and having him immediately placed on my chest, I wanted to begin nursing right away and I wanted to take my family home as soon as possible.

On the morning of April 27^Th, 2008 my water broke waking us up.  Contractions began about ten minutes later.  We called the midwife who was at our house by 9:30 am.  She checked me and was concerned because my blood pressure had spiked, she told us to monitor the contractions and if everything continued as was to meet her at the hospital at 2:30pm.  Within the hour after she left my contractions increased to two minutes apart, and forty-five seconds to one minute in length.

We again called the midwife who arranged to meet us at the hospital at noon.  Once at the hospital I was monitored briefly and because my blood pressure was still fluctuating I was then admitted to a birthing room with my partner and the midwife.  I was having back labour because the baby was in an Occiput Posterior Position.   I laboured through the day with little change.  I used many different labouring positions including a birthing stool, a birthing ball, toilet sitting, walking the halls, showering and slow dancing.  Around 9:00 pm I still had not dilated beyond five centimeters this was due to the OP positioning and the fact that the baby had not fully decended into the pelvis prior the water breaking.  At this time I was given the option of a Pitocin drip to help move things along.  I declined this as I felt fine and wanted to continue to labour without intervention.  Between 10:00 and 11:00 pm we had a midwife change over and in between a Doctor tried once again to put me on the Pitocin, again I declined.  With the arrival of the second Midwife I laboured through the night and well into the next day still with little change.  At some point during the night the midwife performed a Stretch and Sweep to try and increase dilation.  I remained active throughout the night and continued to take in fluids to keep up my energy.  During the night I did spend some time in bed side lying to attempt to turn the baby.  By 1:30 pm on April 28^Th, I had not dilated past five centimeters and my contractions had begun to slow.

At this point the Midwife spoke with me about an Epidural so that I could rest in order to be able to push when the time came, and a Pitocin drip to increase the intensity of the contractions so that I would dilate and transition to pushing.  We had an emotional heart to heart and decided to go ahead with the intervention – at this time we had been warned that because of the posterior positioning of the baby, the lack of decent and the length of my labour, that a Cesarean was a possibility.  I still hoped to deliver my baby naturally and felt that this intervention would give me the best chance to still meet that goal.

After a few hours on the Pitocin with the Epidural I had not dilated further and my contractions had slowed.  I was having back pain and feeling nauseous.  At 6:00 pm the Doctor examined me and declared that I would need a Cesarean.  Again after much crying and reassurance from my Midwife that this had to be, we consented to the surgery and our son was born at 7:15 pm on April 28^Th, 2008 via Cesarean Section.

When he was born, both of us spiked fevers and he had what they called a respiratory hiccup.  He did not pass the APGAR and a Pediatric Respiratory Specialist was called into the delivery room.  During this time the surgery on me was being completed and I could only see my son from a distance as he remained on the warming bed with staff buzzing about.

I was taken into the recovery room and on my pa'srtner insistence the baby was briefly brought to me on his way to the NICU.  He and I were separated until 11:00 am the next day when I was taken to the NICU to nurse him for the first time.  We remained in the hospital until May 1^st when on my insistence and my Midwife’s assurance, I was discharged one day ahead of schedule.